Norman

How did you come to be here?

I was living in Norwich with my wife and two teenage children. It got to the point where I was thrown out, and that's when I came to Derby. The first time I was here I came from Hartington House. They were very good to me and referred me here.

I originally come from London, where I was an accountant. Then twenty years ago I moved to Norwich where I was a YMCA training manager, and then the same for the Chamber of Commerce – I was head-hunted.

How long have you been here?

I’ve been here five weeks, but this is my third time. I was here for 14 months before. I thought it was time to go and have a flat of my own. Soon after I came out I relapsed.

I was cocky enough to believe I could have one drink and walk away. I can’t. But for me to believe that I had to go to the pit – and the pit was hell. Now, I totally believe it’s not possible for me to have one drink, I know I can’t.

What do you think of the support?

What being here does for me is quite difficult to describe. It gives me the opportunity to be sober - not dry. Being dry means you’re still thinking about doing the same things, thinking the same way, when you’re sober you change your characteristics. Being here gives me hope and serenity, plus I get a bit of support and guidance when I need it. It’s very AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) orientated.

The staff here – if I wished to I could see whenever I want, 24/7. I don’t have to wait for my key worker session. Ronnie is my key worker, we get on very well. He won’t take any rubbish. He expects honesty and I give him honesty.

Are there any challenges?

Yes, it certainly is hard work. There are 12 steps. Step four is a moral inventory of your life. To do it properly you have to be honest, don’t edit and don’t leave anything out. It’s very painful at times. Step five is reading/sharing it with another person. That’s where I am. I shall share with Ronnie – and with a higher power. The reason I’ve started so soon on this stage is because I’ve spent time here previously, but everybody’s different. Some take a long time and that’s OK, apparently.

Everyday is a challenge. The only way I knew how to deal with some difficulties was to drink. Now I have to learn to deal without it – relearn how to cope with situations. Being here takes you away from the pressure outside.

Do you have contact with your family?

I have had contact with my family. Last week I met my wife for the first time in six months, we’ve been separated for three years. We are friends – we are friends when I’m not drinking. She won’t see me when I’m drinking. That’s understandable, I’d do the same.

I’ve a daughter, 19, and a son, 17. She’s on a gap year travelling the world before going to university. She’s very much into her music, she sings and plays the trombone – she's very talented. My son is very much into computers, I’m sure he’ll go to university to do that. Hopefully I’ll get to see them later on. At the moment we have contact through text and phone. After being here three months you get a weekend away. I hope to have a weekend in Norwich with my family, providing everyone agrees.

What’s for the future?

In the long term I hope to remain sober, remain in contact with my family.

I did some voluntary work before and I hope to go back to that. I worked as a volunteer advisor for the CVS, interviewing people and finding suitable applicants and positions.

Do you have any hobbies?

I read and I like music. I’ve got quite Catholic taste, I like classical music and jazz. I've been listening to David Rees-Williams trio – I do like jazz.

 

Norman is staying at an accommodation-based alcohol dependency support service in Derby.

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